Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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