It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
