college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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