One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
