We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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