My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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