I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
