I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
