david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
