so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
