My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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