wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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