so explain again why im purple
no
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
