this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
