ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
