So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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