It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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