your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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