just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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