my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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