Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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