how can u be prego again
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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