Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
