I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
