I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
