She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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