Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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