Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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