woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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