why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
