remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
