i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
