So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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