I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She said her name was "party"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
