The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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