that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
