i barfeds in our rink
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
