I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
