Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
