Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
