So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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