Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
