The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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