Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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