Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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