You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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