well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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