Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
