Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
