No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
