If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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