I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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