Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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