You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
