I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
