I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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