see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
