so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
