how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
