Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
