It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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