I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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